This is a personal reflection from Mark James, a new volunteer with St John Gibraltar, sharing his experience of mental health and wellbeing, his journey as a parent and carer, and the difference that St John Gibraltar has made to both him and his son, Thomas.
Thomas is now 29 years old. When he was just 11 months old, he was tragically involved in a very serious road traffic accident, which resulted in a severe brain injury. As a result, Thomas is Registered Blind and has Profound Multiple Learning Difficulties (PMLD), Left Hemiplegia, a speech impediment and epilepsy.
I am sure that, in his own way, Thomas experiences challenges with his mental health and wellbeing too, although he is unable to understand or express these feelings in the way that most of us are able to. This is why, as his parent, I feel it is so important to take a proactive role in his life and give him as many opportunities as possible to experience happiness, enjoyment and a good quality of life. In many ways, I take away some of the challenges and burdens that he might otherwise face, but being able to do that gives me a sense of purpose and makes me feel that I am doing the best I can for him. At the end of each day, I can put my head on the pillow knowing that I have done everything I can to give Thomas the happiest and most fulfilling life possible.
When Thomas’ accident happened in 1997, mental health was not discussed in the way it is today. Anxiety, depression and the emotional impact of traumatic experiences were talked about far less, and there was often an attitude of simply having to “get on with it”. In fact, to this day, I have never received counselling for the trauma I experienced all those years ago. Over time, this has contributed to me experiencing what I describe as “catastrophizing anxiety”. Looking back, I realise that some experiences can stay with us for many years, even when we don’t necessarily recognise or talk about their impact at the time.
My experience with Thomas has also taught me that supporting someone’s mental health and wellbeing does not always require a major intervention. Sometimes, it is the smallest gestures that can make the biggest difference. A simple “hello”, “how are you?”, “do you need any help?”, “would you like a chat over a coffee?” or “can I open the door for you?” can mean so much. These things may take only a few seconds, but they can help someone feel noticed, included and valued. You do not necessarily need specialist knowledge to make a difference. Sometimes, being prepared to stop, listen and have a conversation is enough. As the saying goes, “it’s good to talk.”
This is something I have experienced through my involvement with St John Gibraltar. The wonderful staff and volunteers who take time out of their day to drive to the airport and give Thomas a lift provide a huge boost to both of us. I feel incredibly humbled that the offer is always there. Recently, a St John Gibraltar volunteer added a message saying, “we love Tom”. Just four simple words, but they meant so much. They showed us that Thomas is known, valued and cared about within the SJA family.
My experience with Thomas has also taught me that supporting someone’s mental health and wellbeing does not always require a major intervention. Sometimes, it is the smallest gestures that can make the biggest difference. A simple “hello”, “how are you?”, “do you need any help?”, “would you like a chat over a coffee?” or “can I open the door for you?” can mean so much. These things may take only a few seconds, but they can help someone feel noticed, included and valued. You do not necessarily need specialist knowledge to make a difference. Sometimes, being prepared to stop, listen and have a conversation is enough. As the saying goes, “it’s good to talk.”
This is something I have experienced through my involvement with St John Gibraltar. The wonderful staff and volunteers who take time out of their day to drive to the airport and give Thomas a lift provide a huge boost to both of us. I feel incredibly humbled that the offer is always there. Recently, a St John Gibraltar volunteer added a message saying, “we love Tom”. Just four simple words, but they meant so much. They showed us that Thomas is known, valued and cared about within the SJA family.
Those experiences are a big part of the reason I became a volunteer with St John Gibraltar myself. I recognise that I do not have a great deal of free time because of my responsibilities caring for Thomas, but I wanted to find a way to give something back and, hopefully, make a difference to somebody else. I may not be an experienced First Aider, but I can sit down and have a conversation with someone who may simply need somebody to listen. I believe that is something every one of us can offer, whether we are volunteering at an event, supporting our local community, helping a colleague or simply taking a few minutes to talk to someone.
Thomas and I also recently had the pleasure of meeting Matthew Turnock, a Director and Trustee at St John Gibraltar. Matthew, like me, has a strong passion for helping people with disabilities. During our time together, Matthew said to Thomas, “what a great dad you have”. Those six words had a huge impact on me. It was a simple comment, but it lifted my spirits and reminded me of just how powerful a few genuine words of kindness can be. It also reinforced something I have learned through my experiences with Thomas: we never really know what someone else may be carrying, or how much a small gesture might mean to them.
For me, that is one of the things that makes volunteering with St John Gibraltar so special. The support we receive from SJA may sometimes seem like a small part of our lives, but when you add together all the lifts, conversations, messages, offers of help and simple acts of kindness, it becomes something much more significant. Collectively, those moments make a substantial difference.
My experience has also changed the way I look at volunteering and community support. We often think about the practical skills we can offer as volunteers, whether that is first aid, event support or other specialist knowledge. But there is another skill that all of us can bring: our time. Taking a moment to ask someone how they are, listening to their answer and letting them know that they are not alone can be just as important.
I hope that sharing mine and Thomas’s experience will encourage others within St John Gibraltar to think about the small things we can all do to support mental health and wellbeing. We do not always need to have the right words or be an expert. Sometimes, simply being there is enough.
A hello. A conversation. A helping hand. A few words of encouragement.
They may seem like small things, but for someone who needs them, they can mean everything.
