Ross Comer, a trainer for St John Ambulance, was driving home with his partner and their two boys when he noticed something that made him stop.
The family had just treated the boys to McDonald’s and were crossing a bridge near the docks when Ross spotted a man sitting on the wrong side of the barriers. “I just got a sicky knot in my stomach and I knew there was something just not right. I couldn’t just do nothing,” Ross recalls.
He parked the car and told his partner he would be a couple of minutes. Although he felt nervous, Ross knew he had to go back and check on the man. “I think you’re always gonna get some nerves in a situation like that. I’ve been in similar situations before and it never gets easier.”
As he approached, Ross could see that the man had a bottle in his hand and appeared to be intoxicated. Rather than getting too close, he asked from a distance if he was okay.
The man began talking about how there was no point and that he did not want to be there. Fortunately, a woman happened to be passing at the time. Ross discreetly asked her to call the emergency services while he stayed with the man.
As they talked, the man explained that he had lost both of his parents within a short period of time. Ross could see that he was experiencing an incredibly difficult moment in his life. As a trainer for St John Ambulance, Ross teaches people about the importance of understanding grief. One analogy he uses compares grief to a ball inside a box.
At first, the ball is so large that it fills the entire box, leaving no room for anything else. Over time, the ball does not necessarily become smaller, but the box grows, allowing other things to exist alongside the grief.
Ross drew on this understanding as he continued speaking with the man. He was also conscious that the man’s position on the bridge remained dangerous. After talking for a while, Ross gently asked him to move away from the barrier.
“I’m a little bit nervous about where you’re sat. Can you do me a favour and just come and shuffle up a little bit and we’ll have a little chat over here.”
The approach was simple: keep him talking and help him move somewhere safer. Ross explains that, in a crisis, a person can remain on the edge of making a life-changing decision for a long time, but the decision itself can happen in a split second.
Keeping someone engaged in conversation can create time for that moment to pass and give them a chance to step back. That was what Ross kept in mind as he stayed with the man.
Within five minutes, the emergency services arrived, something Ross describes as “really impressive”. By then, the man had moved away from the barrier and was sitting on the grass beside Ross. The police were able to take over from there.
For Ross, the experience also highlighted an important lesson about helping someone who may be in crisis. People can become worried about saying the wrong thing or feel that they need to know exactly what to say.
Ross believes that the most important thing is much simpler. “As long as you’re trying to be kind and empathetic, you can’t really say the wrong thing,” he says. “I think people get hung up too much on official wording and what they can and can’t say, but actually it’s not about that. It’s about how you say something.”
For Ross, noticing that something was wrong and choosing to act made all the difference. He did not have all the answers, nor did he try to solve everything himself. He simply stayed, listened, showed compassion and helped keep the man safe until professional help arrived.
